Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Politics of New Hair ( and the Red and black slouchy outfit)

Red and black slouchy outfit, originally uploaded by BB Allen.

T-Shirt by Asos Curve
Skirt by Evie for Peacocks
Tights by Primark
Boots (slightly out of shot) by Dr Marten
Duffle Coat (on chair) by Simply Be

This is what I wore to work today. As you can see I've had a bit of a change in the hair department. This is in fact, relevant to this blog.

You see, for the last 6 years I've been growing my hair. I've had my hair every colour of the rainbow at some point, I've had it long, short, and inbetween. But over the last 6 years, I've not been cutting it, and I've not been changing the colour QUITE as often (ok quite often, but in more subtle ways than the greens and reds and blacks and purples of before).

I've been thinking about why I've not changed my hair before now. Partially it's because I wanted long hair, to grow it in and give it a chance and see how long I could get it. And wanting to have long hair is a good enough reason to have long hair.

There are a couple of factors to me, at least, keeping my hair long for so many years that are NOT good enough reason though. One was that I thought I 'looked fatter' with short hair. I am fat, looking fat is something that I can expect to be the case. And yet, I was there thinking "I'd love short hair, it would be easier to dry, wouldn't tangle and wouldn't be so god-damn hot all the time" and then countering that with "but I don't want to look EVEN FATTER", and I the latter argument as actually WINNING. So I think that finally accepting that I am FAT has freed me from that thinking, and allowed me to try something new and daring.

The same is happening with my clothes (hence the outfit posts), when I was Thin I was obsessed with clothes, I loved playing with them, mixing them up, and shopping for new fabulous pieces to add into the mix. As I got better (/fatter) I would buy bigger clothes, but they were mainly chosen for practicality, and cheapness. My weight was all over the place to the point where I'd yo-yo between as size 12 and a size 20 within a year and I'd buy nice clothes when I was thin and cheap, practical "Temporary Clothes" when I was fat. I spent approximately 1/4 of the last 8 years in "Temporary Clothes", crappy shapeless long-sleeved Matalan tops (on their own, with cheap shapeless jeans - not even as a base for something more funky). I longed to be able to find my style and struggled to do so, even when I was thin (/ill) - I didn't understand my body, and I have no great love for it. I didn't think my body deserved nice clothes, didn't trust myself to be a size long enough to make paying anything significant for them worth-it. Hell, I changed size so often I couldn't afford to dress nice.

Over the last few months, since discovering FA and embracing my fat body, my love of clothes, makeup and hair has simply bloomed. I've managed to build up a nice wardrobe of great clothes that fit, and stayed within budget by using existing clothes as bases for new pieces and in different ways. And also by prioritising myself more. I don't feel the need to spend my money on crap I don't need as much, because I'm pretty sane (and I think I have FA to thank for the continuance of that because dieting has caused many an Attack-of-the-Crazies).

And as fatshion blogs have filled in the hole for magazines (I still sometimes buy them, but only occasionally as I find their often warped images of women, frankly insulting - this is not the kind of advertising I respond to and the lies are maddening) - my thanks go particularly to the wonderful Fat Nurse :) It's great to see great clothes on women who's bodies actually resemble my own, and the feedback on sizing is invaluable too.

I don't intend to turn my blog into something fatshion only, I still have alot of things to say about what I THINK for that, but expect more photos and more outfits, because sharing works best both ways.


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